This weekend was a much needed time out. In more ways than one.
My girlfriend was in town for the weekend and my great friends from high school were going out on Friday. My plan was to meet them for 2 drinks- tops- then head home and get in my 8 hours of sleep before the long run. All started out as planned. I even suggested we head to Josh and my favorite neighborhood bar for the 2nd drink so I’d be closer to home. It was so much fun to reconnect with my girl friends and talk, really talk, about absolutely everything that has been happening since the wedding. Josh was kind enough to pick me up and as we headed home, I admitted if we didn’t have to run, I would love to hang out with my friends for the whole night. At that, he turned the car around and after we tracked down the girls, I hopped back in the car with them. And so, the night ensued until bar close. By the time Josh picked me up and we headed to bed, it was practically the time I would be waking up for my pre-run breakfast! Guiltily, I text my running crew that I was bailing on them in the morning.
My high school crew
Saturday morning, Josh and I open our eyes and it’s 11:30 am! As we started to wake up and chat, we were on a completely different level than we have been for the past month and a half. Perhaps, it was that I was able to talk through some of my feelings, anxieties, and disappointments that I’ve felt since the wedding with my friends.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love being married to Josh. But, we didn’t live together before the wedding. It’s been a big adjustment! No one ever tells you about that piece of it! While it’s fun to merge our lives together, adapt to a “new norm”, and create a new home together… it is definitely not all hearts and flowers! As unrealistic as I know this sounds, even as I type this, I was expecting the fairytale. We know we have something special. We know we have a relationship that is beyond what either of us ever imagined experiencing in our lifetime. We know we have been blessed by God in finding each other. So, I didn’t expect it to be this hard to live together and merge our two lives! To be perfectly honest here, it’s been rough. And to go even further into the honesty, it’s been rough because I am a damn stubborn individual. Who has met her match with an equally stubborn partner. On top of that, we are both passive-aggressive. So, in order to stand our ground and to make our point, we have been hanging on to the little things, the things that really don’t matter, and dragging the issue on and on and on, to make the other person feel our disappointment in those little things. And it’s been adding up. Looking back at my blog, it’s been spilling over into every corner of my life. The feelings of negativity, I haven’t been able to shake it.
On Saturday morning, I finally broke. It needed to happen. And he broke too. For (maybe) the first time since we got married, we were willing to put the other person before our selfish natures. It was a moment to be treasured, albeit an uncomfortable moment, with tears as I admitted my stubbornness, and part in leading to our standstill recently. As we talked through things and just enjoyed each other, the time quickly ticked by. We collaboratively decided to post-pone our long run and take the 10 miler off the schedule.
This morning, the alarm went off bright and early. Again, neither of us could come around. After hitting snooze for 2 hours, we knew in order to run, we wouldn’t make it to church. We started talking and simply enjoying the moment, that the time just ticked by. Once again, we made the decision to just take the run off the schedule. It’s a first for me. If you’ve been reading this blog, you know I am a “stick to the training schedule at all costs” kind of gal. So, this time out is a big deal! But I’m learning, that sometimes, life is just too important. Sometimes, what you need is to take some time, recharge, and reconnect. It’s all you need to focus on the path ahead of you and no longer drag the baggage from the past along with you. I, for one, am anxious and excited to focus my sights on the future ahead.