Auto Pilot

I finally dragged myself out of the house for a run this afternoon.  It was my intention to get out there all day.  I “slept” in this morning.  I use that word loosely as I get up at 10pm (I rarely see 10pm, I am usually crashed out around 9!), midnight, and 6am to give Bisou different rounds of medication. So, to say that I am still lacking sleep is an understatement.  My niece had a basketball game at 9 this morning and the group of girls I usually run with decided they wouldn’t/couldn’t run early with me, so that left me figuring out when to run on my own.

Bisou had a great morning!  She seems more alert and is spending less time sleeping.

Bisou post op bed


After the game, I curled up next to her, with the intention to get back up a few minutes later and go out on my run.  Instead, I crashed.  HARD!  It was one of those sleeps where I was oddly conscious of what was going on around me, the TV blaring, my phone beeping with text messages, and waiting for the alarm to signal it was time for the next round of medicine.  But, my body felt drugged.  It felt heavy.  I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience.  So, I slept.  Until the alarm buzzed and it was time to give Bisou her medicine.

As I contemplated whether or not to run, I did my Abs by April Challenge and worked up a sweat.  Since my heart rate was already up, I changed into my running clothes.  As I got ready for my run, the sad puppy eyes pulled at my heart-strings.  I have to admit, I felt a little scared to head outside by myself.  Not only is Bisou my favorite running partner, it’s a sense of protection for me every time I leave my house.  I felt pretty vulnerable, alone, and afraid hitting the streets by myself. Bisou is so medicated and feeling great, she has no idea why she can’t go out with me.  Here’s a peak at her tummy… you can see why it’ll be a while before she joins me again.

Bisou suture


Immediately, my head was churning with thoughts, going over everything that had happened this week, feeling sorry for myself, and thinking about what the next week entails as I travel for work.  My heart was not in the run.  But I found my body was going on auto pilot.  One foot in front of the other.  One step at a time.  My body knew what to do while my mind sorted out what it needed to think over.  Near the end of the run, my tummy got upset and I walked it home the last few blocks.  It was most definitely not the best run I’ve ever had and it was a little frustrating to end with GI issues.  But, I got out there and that’s a start.  As I jumped into the shower, it hit me.  Pure exhaustion.  I am so tired from the stress and anxiety from this week.  Thank goodness there is one more day left to this weekend to curl up and nap.  And, I already have plans to meet my friend Paxton for a 6 mile run in the morning and to talk about my new training plan.  It’s time to get back into the game.


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