Is this all just a bad dream?

I am sitting here, hoping that when I wake up tomorrow morning, the tragic events that occurred at the Boston Marathon today will all be a bad dream.  Is this real?  Did this really occur?  Did this really happen here?  In the US?

I am in shock.  I cannot stop thinking about it.  I cannot wrap my head around it.  It’s such a senseless act.  So cold and calculated.  Who would do something like this?

When I heard the news, I immediately panicked, thinking of my coach, Paxton, and my running buddy, Andrea, who was there to watch her husband, Jeff, run Boston for the first time.  I knew both Paxton and Jeff had already finished the marathon.  I text both Paxton and Andrea.  I heard back from Paxton within minutes.  The 45 minutes I waited to hear from Andrea were painstaking, to say the least.  I thank God, all of my friends are safe tonight. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to stay focused on the conference call I was on.  More and more news came flooding in.  Such a senseless act.  So cold.  So uncaring.

Is this what America is coming to?  Is nothing safe?  I worry about my safety on runs in my neighborhood, when I’m alone and somewhat vulnerable.  I never worry about my safety in the throes of a race, surrounded by thousands of runners and spectators.  It’s a safe place.  It’s a happy place.  I feel like something has been stripped away.  Boston.  The marathon I’ve been working so hard to run.  Now, an unsafe place.  I feel cheated.  I feel mad.  And then, I feel selfish.  This isn’t about me.  This is about the victims.  Those that lost their lives today.  Those that are fighting for their lives tonight.  Those, that may never go for a run again without feeling fear, without the memory of the tragedies of today.  I ache inside.

Tonight, I leave with this thought from a text that a friend sent me just an hour ago-

“Runner’s are tough.  We will come back stronger.”

My prayers are with the victims, their loved ones, and those who witnessed this horrific event.

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