in DESPERATE need of a run…

Today, I should walk around with a warning posted to my forehead:

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I am in desperate need of a run- a good run- today.  A run where I can pound the ground, shake loose my mental junkies that are bogging me down, and just leave all my stress, dissatisfaction, and frustration from this week in a sweaty pile on the road.

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you feel like you disappoint everybody you come into contact with?  Thus has been my experience this week.

It started out as a dizzy, dazed, doozy on Monday. I was hit hard with yet another sinus infection.  I was warned this could happen during the healing process and it came on fierce.  I was left tired and sick to my stomach by the time the work day ended.  Incoherent, I put myself to bed early and hoped for recovery through the night.

Tuesday morning didn’t prove to provide any relief.  I felt like I had taken a sleeping pill as I tried to wake up.  To make matters worse, we lost power in the middle of the night when a nasty storm blew through (75 mph winds) and it was still out when my phone alarm went off.  I packed up our frozen and cold food from the fridge and freezer, threw my laptop and work materials in a bag and hauled myself and our loot to my parents house, where they had power, to set up a temporary office.  When the power finally came on, the internet went out.  It was not my most productive day and I felt myself getting buried deeper and deeper in work and home matters.  I was still a dizzy mess and I couldn’t hide my crankiness.  I cancelled plans to meet a friend and attend book club and felt like I let everyone down as once again, I put myself to bed early.

By Wednesday, the  antibiotics seemed to finally kick in.  My mind was clearer and I finally felt more awake.  I was bogged down in meetings all day and the feeling of not getting any work lingered… piling up done.  After a text exchange throughout the afternoon with my sister, I felt I had let her down. And add to that discord with the hubs to make for a really great ending to the day.  Maybe I should’ve gone to bed earlier and the discord wouldn’t have happen.

Which brings us to today… the discord with the hubs continues.  That has bled over into my ability to think clear.  The 2 Group Power classes I taught this morning were an epic fail as I forgot moves, my phone skipped music tracks, and I was just plain not present during class.  As I drove home from the gym, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this is not my life.  I feel misplaced.  I don’t belong in this life of discord and disconnect.

I feel like I need a vacation for me. That instinct of fight or flight?  I want to flee.  I need time to set aside and get my “stuff” (insert a different 4 letter word that starts with an “s”) together.  I know I could do that during a run.  I could push all aside and pound it out.  It’s more productive than siting here obsessing on the verge of tears.  Alas, there is no time to squeeze in a run today.  No time for solitude, to work through my mental junkies.

Until tomorrow… “Group Therapy” is already penned in on my calendar- a longer run with my girlfriends to start my day off right.  It’s just what the “doctor” prescribed.

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