Last week, Josh and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary! It doesn’t seem like three years have past and in some ways its incredible to think it’s only been three years because it feels so natural, like I have known him all my life.
Here is our picture perfect life.
In reality, right now, I feel like a hot mess. Our anniversary also signals one year since we started our adoption journey. And let me tell you, in no way does it feel like this journey has gone too fast. I feel like I can remember every painstaking step we took. The hours upon hours spent filling out the application. The stress of waiting to find out if we would even be pre-approved. Followed by the stress of completing our home study. And let’s not forget the extreme amount of pressure I put on myself to get our portfolio ready for birth mothers to view and hopefully choose us. Then… the stress of waiting to hear if we’d been approved upon completion of our home study. I know most, if not all, of this has been self-inflicted. Nonetheless, it’s the path I’ve walked.
I use the singular tense because Josh is much more rational going through this process and has held his confidence that we would be approved all along. It’s just one of the qualities I appreciate about him and how we compliment each other.
I don’t want to give the impression that it has been all bad. Each of the above stresses have been followed by joy and celebrations for each milestone passed. And, celebrating the little things, like splurging on little shoes that are just too cute to pass up!
There have been mountains and valleys and we are still trekking through them. I have to admit, for someone who shut herself down from feeling for years in order to avoid getting hurt, I have felt a lot this year. There are times when I feel I have reached the top of the mountain and I see everything clear from the top. I know and I feel that God is in control. I trust that He has a plan and He is going to place our child with us. And then, there are times where I feel deep in the valley with fog rolling in clouding my vision.
We are at a crossroads in our journey and I feel like we are sitting at a stop light that is forever red. It will turn green again. And perhaps it will be sooner than later as we mull which direction to take. Until then, please join us in prayer for God’s direction as we take our next steps.