A new chapter

I think we can break adoption down into try-mesters- much like a pregnancy.

The 1st try-mester is the application process.  The 2nd is the home study process. The 3rd is the wait for the match. My bestie summed it up best this week “it’s like we are in our 3rd trimester of pregnancy without a due date.”  My translation= it’s close to hell.

We have entered a new chapter in our adoption journey.  We have reached ‘active’ status with our new consulting firm. What does this mean? We are now in the position where we learn about expectant mothers and their precious babies and our profile is shown to them, on a case by case basis.  We have already received and presented to a number of birth moms.

It’s exciting!

And with it, brings an entirely new element to this journey, that we have not encountered before and are navigating for the very first time.

For instance, we have seen a number of cases presented to us that fall outside of our pre-determined budget. I’m emotional and of course I want to say ‘Yes!’ to everything.  Thank goodness, God paired me with a realist and Josh can help me see clearly what is out of our reach.  But, that doesn’t make it any easier. I never envisioned turning down any potential match.  And I never dreamed it would come down to money.

We have also said ‘Yes!’ to a number of cases and anxiously await the birth mothers’ decision.  We are now navigating how we deal with the ‘no’ we receive back.  Some are easier than others, if I’m completely real here.  Some seem so perfect on paper- meant to be. And yet… we hear ‘no’.

The rationale side of me knows that when you are presented with multiple cases and are saying ‘yes’ to multiple cases, you are not going to hear a ‘yes’ back every single time.  Yet- this is new territory. And we, as a couple, must figure out how we are going to process the ‘no’ and keep on moving forward.

This weekend, I would say, we got our footing back under us.

I started this blog as a way to document my running journey. So, it seems only fitting to bring this back to where this all started. We were registered to run a half marathon on Saturday. As we got ready for the race Friday night, it occurred to me- we keep pressing on. We keep moving forward. One step at a time. Much like running. Propelling towards the finish line. No race is ever perfect. No training period is ever perfect. Yet, when you reach the finish- somehow– almost magically– you forget the pain you endured.

As my feet hit the pavement on Saturday, it was therapeutic. We set out with the goal to treat this race as an easy long run- slow and steady- practice getting fueling right for our upcoming marathon and to run relaxed. I let myself run free. Josh cautioned several times that I needed to slow down, but I felt good and I ran what my body told me it needed to do. My feet carried me through. Minimal thinking. I ran with heart.

Our hearts will continue to carry us through this new and very exciting chapter. I live on prayer and faith. It’s the only thing that is getting me through these waves of emotions- excitement of potential matches and rejection of ‘no’. While I am still searching for the ‘why’, it is already written.

Those of you that know me, won’t be surprised that I often skip ahead to the end of a story to see how it ends. I’m impatient like that. However, this journey- it’s more like a marathon. You must be patient. You must wait out the good and the bad. You must keep pressing on to the finish.

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